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Wife stressed by husband’s daily nagging for sex

Updated: Jun 26, 2020

Dear Dr. Diana:

My husband and I have been working from home two months now and I’m getting increasingly stressed by his demands for sex. We had a pretty good sex life before the quarantine started (usually having sex about twice a week), but now he seems to want it most nights. I like sex with him, but I don’t have the energy for more frequent intimacy. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, and he understands when I tell him no, but he comes back the next day wanting sex again.

I’m starting to lose my desire because of his constant badgering, and I’m worried that if we get stuck in a rut with little or no sex it will damage our marriage. Any advice?

—Stressed in Seattle

Dear Stressed:

Your first order of business is to have some frank discussions with your husband. Be honest and tell him how his badgering is affecting you. Tell him you’re concerned about how his behavior is having a negative impact on your marriage. He may experience some hurt, but clear communication is the first step in addressing this problem.

When you talk, it’s important to make sure that he understands what’s going on with your feelings about sex. Get him to listen carefully and repeat back what you said until you’re satisfied that he gets your point.

The next step is to agree on a schedule for some date nights at home. Put it on the calendar and make the effort to stick to it. Scheduling a date night offers two big advantages that can help you. First, you can remind him to stop badgering you every day since you now have it on the calendar. (“Not tonight, honey; but we will on Friday night.”)

Second, it gives both of you something to look forward to. You can use the anticipation to build up interest and desire. As your date night approaches, do some playful teasing. (“I can’t wait to get my hands on you Friday night.”) Then when the night arrives you will both be primed to have a great time together!


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