Planning Your Valentine's Date Night
How are you planning to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year? As the pandemic continues to rage, some of your normal date options—like dining out—may be quite literally off the table. What’s a couple to do?
Given the complications COVID poses, here are a few suggestions for some creative ways to approach the “holiday of the heart” this year. Being intentional about how you celebrate your love for each other—and possibly enjoying some hot sex together—is a great way to create your own “bubble of love” at home.
Plan Your Date Night at Home
First and foremost, talk to your Sweetie and decide how you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Most couples will be staying at home, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it special.
Are you concerned that putting sex on the calendar will kill the spontaneity? Don’t be.
Really. It’s a common belief that you should just fall into each other’s arms when the mood strikes. However, I have worked with hundreds of couples who thought this way, and with my guidance, most of them have come to appreciate that scheduling sex is the best strategy for making it happen. For more tips and encouragement, see my YouTube video “Put Sex on the Calendar.” (While you’re there, please subscribe to my YouTube channel.)
Valentine’s Day is the perfect excuse to put sex on the calendar, because you have the target date: February 14! To help you make the most of it, I have put together an article—adapted from my book, Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine—with tips and suggestions. You can download my guide to “Planning Your 2021 Valentine’s Date Night at Home” for free.
Get Ready for Sensational Sex
Now that you’ve planned your romantic evening at home, I next want to help you make the most of it in bed. I invite you to check out my new video series I call “Dr. Diana’s Seven Secrets for Sensational Sex.” These are simple keys for you and your partner to make your sexual connection smooth and effortless. The seven secrets are:
Take care of yourself first.
Communicate clearly and directly.
Don’t take anything personally.
Focus on your partner’s pleasure.
I recorded a short video for each secret, and I recommend that you watch them together. Discuss which messages resonate for each of you and how you can adopt some (or all) of these secrets into your relationship. This is an effective way to get clear about your intentions so you can relax and trust in the pleasures of the moment.
Experiment with Sex Toys
If you’ve never incorporated sex toys into your lovemaking, you owe it to yourselves to give it a try. Sex toys have been around for millennia, as I discovered when I read Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy. Author Hallie Lieberman was a recent guest on my Love, Lust & Laughter podcast, and provided interesting anecdotes about this topic (which is universal to almost all cultures!).
Sex toys are not just for women, either. They can add a lot of spice (and pleasure) to a sexual encounter with your partner. My advice to men in a heterosexual relationship: Make friends with the toys.
I say this in response to a common situation I have encountered, where men feel threatened or intimidated by sex toys. Their thinking goes something like: “Why do you want or need a sex toy except to masturbate? When we are together, shouldn’t I be enough?”
If you choose to view sex toys as competition, you’re missing out on some great opportunities to increase your partner’s pleasure. Instead, learn how to use different toys, especially in combination with other ways to stimulate her with your mouth, your hands, and your penis. Multiple points of sexual stimulation can enhance the intensity of orgasm even more.
Ask for feedback and adjust your techniques accordingly. She is likely to be very grateful for your willingness to practice and develop your new skills with sex toys. You’ll get satisfaction from evoking her pleasure and receiving acknowledgement of your talents. (Plus, if you keep their batteries charged, sex toys don’t experience any performance challenges, making them great friends to have at the ready.)
I highly recommend the Good Vibrations and Babeland stores (both online and physical stores in California, Seattle, and New York) as reliable places to purchase sex toys. I was a recent guest on a webinar hosted by Dr. Carol Queen, staff sexologist at Good Vibrations, and you can view a recording of our session here.
Best Wishes for a Happy Valentine’s Day
I hope you’ll find the time to take a break from your normal routine and make Valentine’s Day a special event for you and your Sweetie. Because of the pandemic restrictions, you can sidestep any expectations of traditional ways to celebrate and create your own new traditions of staying at home. That “bubble of love”—right in your own bedroom—can be a lot of fun!
P.S. If you like my videos, please subscribe to my YouTube channel. Thanks!