Counteracting Boredom in the Bedroom

Sex is play. Try these activities to bring out your playful inner child in your relationship.

Dear Dr. Diana,

My partner and I started out the pandemic with a pretty healthy sex life, and in the first few months it was fun to cozy up at home and chill together. But as the lockdowns and social distancing continue, we are both starting to get pandemic fatigue and it’s affecting our sex life. We enjoy having sex, but more and more it feels like it’s a chore. We both agree we would like to change things, but we get bogged down in discussions. It all seems so serious. How can we break out of this rut?

—Feeling the Fatigue

Dear Feeling,

Pandemic fatigue is real, and it’s becoming a major mental health issue for millions of people.

Studies show that couples who laugh together last together. Shared laughter has a positive effect on relationship satisfaction. And … laughter can lead the way to play.

During my career as a sex therapist I have helped hundreds of couples put laughter and playfulness into their relationship—especially their sexual relationship. Yes, sex is play!

Here are a few ways you can jumpstart the fun:

• To begin, watch some funny movies on TV, or some stand-up comedy shows on YouTube. Even do laughter yoga, which can be very therapeutic.

• Try dancing together. It’s a surefire way to get into your body and into your playful selves. Dance to favorite tunes you enjoyed together when you first met. Even do a striptease for your lover as an exciting prelude to sex.

• Play some sexy games together, such as the board game An Enchanting Evening. Engage in some role play scenarios, where you can explore unexpressed fantasies or assume personas that might turn you on, and your partner, too.

• Or just get silly and playful with each other. Have a pillow fight. Build a blanket fort and snuggle up in your own little world together. Get messy with finger paints and body painting, too. Soak in a bubble bath together while you feed each other finger food.

There are endless ways to engage in laughter and play together. I hope you’ll take the plunge and let your inner child come out to play. There’s a wonderland of sensual pleasure and sexual delight waiting for you.

You’ll find more suggestions in my book, Love in the Time of Corona: Advice from a Sex Therapist for Couples in Quarantine. Also check out my short video: Laugh and Play Together.

—Dr. Diana